‘Awoken’

By T.W. Humphries

Awoken in a cold sweat,

A scream echoes in my brain.

Awoken by a nightmare,

Whose power cannot be restrained.

Inside Inception’s Dreamscape,

A melding torpor of servitude.

I sit in a cafe drinking hot coffee,

Surveying the niceties of the moon.

Trust in a future destroyed,

My smile was woven on.

Fakery it was,

Smashed by a changing landscape.

Transformed before my eyes,

Unable to look away.

Like Pink Floyd’s marching hammers,

It drives its march into stay!

Horror mixes with anger,

And clashes in my mind.

The marching hammer is a redhead,

Repeating the same incongrous line.

“Hello Wayne,” It repeats with unrefined inflection,

The hazy metamorphosis of terror,

Transposes itself in my heart.

Causing me to scream,

With a fit and then a start.

The scene changes again,

I’m standing at the base of a mountain.

An attractive, aloof artist named Emily,

Stands atop the summit.

Painting furiously but obscuring the view.

She turns and smiles sexily,

Beckoning me up the hill.

I stride one step,

And then two.

Finally at the top,

She stands aside to reveal.

A shining potrait of “ME!”,

As “The Scream!”.

It screams at me,

I scream back,

Everything dissipates,

Except her naughty come hither smile.

Awake in a cold sweat,

I cannot escape the echo of the scream.

Through blurred vision, I mumble incomprehensions,

My own ‘pysche’ was  in that warped land known as ‘nightmareville’.

Weirdly the moon was bright at noon,

And stirred my heart to sing.

Then hollered at me saying,

“Hello, Wayne”,

With such a repetitious, annoying grin.

Doesn’t matter though,

I had a friend at the top of the hill.

Who waved and laughed a moment,

Before revealing the ‘screams’ ultimate end.

Reminding my psyche,

That I hadn’t gone,

Completely off the deep end.

Not yet anyway.

Though Steve Urkell was oddly popular in his day, Capitalism in the current cultural and political climate isn’t so lucky. It seems fortuitous then that our esteemed colleagues at Menzies House would release a free download entitled ‘The Morality of Capitalism’.

I was initially intrigued by the title because it immediately evokes the thought of Socratic debate about the morality of capitalism at the beginning of the Industrial age, as compared to the post-industrial age that we are currently in.

The booklet itself is broken into several excellent essays. The first is an interview with a Entrepreneur. Entrepreneur’s have always interested me because the wildest possible ideas are always the ones they consider first.

Indeed I’ve had conversations via email with one of Australia’s richest Entrepreneur’s and have to admit they do think differently. They think about creating value, about maximising the potential of human and financial capital rather than stifling it!

Think of the great brands of modern capitalism. Ford, Kellogg, Nike, McDonald’s and Disney. All of them had in common the capacity to envision a greater future, creating market value on the way through. Ironically the systems of capital these icons represent are of an ilk that is currently ‘unfashionable’

Palmer’s interview with co-creator of the Whole Foods Company is instructive because he connects his approach to what he calls “conscious capitalism”, a clear distinction between pure “free-market capitalism” and “crony capitalism”.

This is interesting because the current #Iamthe99percent protests around corporate greed and its apparent negative impacts on society are confusing this distinction. Take climate change for instance.

The science question wouldn’t be such a big issue if the solutions being touted were applied fully to the forces of pure market capitalism, unfortunately in the faux market political discourse it is not.

If there was no taxpayer assistance for these programs and market forces were allowed to work in the creation and destruction of products and services, one would think that history’s final judgement on the solutions would be assured.

What irritates me is the fact that the political culture is abusing the term “market mechanism” in an attempt to mask the interventionist approach that is invading not just the climate issue but all other areas of policy.

Ironically this is emboldening a government inspired “crony capitalism” that protesters are trying to break apart. The Mackey interview is important because it draws out this intellectual distinction and in a manner that clarifies and restates the moral issues.

The next Essay “Liberty and Dignity Explain the Modern World” by Deirdre N. McCloskey grabs the reigns of history and steers the reader through the ideas and transformations that have led us to our current position. She states tellingly that:

The revolutions and reformations of Europe, 1517 to 1789, gave
voice to ordinary people outside the bishops and aristocrats.
Europeans and then others came to admire entrepreneurs like
Ben Franklin and Andrew Carnegie and Bill Gates. The middle
class started to be viewed as good, and started to be allowed to
do good, and to do well. People signed on to a Middle-Class
Deal that has characterised now-wealthy places such as Britain
or Sweden or Hong Kong ever since: “Let me innovate and make
piles and piles of money in the short run out of innovation, and
in the long run I’ll make you rich.”

The ultimate prize of this essay is the fact that the author posits the thoughts of historian Joel Mokyr who states that:

economic change in all periods depends, more than most economists think, on what people believe.

This essay hence is an excellent exposition of competing political, social and economic ideologies.

The next essay, Competition and Cooperation by David Boaz is an excellent piece on the cut-throat world of competition, discussing the tensions and instabilities inherent in same. The tension between Individualism, Community and Civil Society are widely canvassed and address the idea of a life based on the Locke and Hume conceptions of rights that connect to Hume’s exposition of:

(1) our self-interestedness, (2) our necessarily limited generosity
toward others, and (3) the scarcity of resources available to fulfil
our needs.

This essay had a certain appeal for me because it inspires thought about the anti-capitalist push that often occurs when the community tires of change, longing instead for a protectionism that sets itself against the drive of cooperation and adaptation in the marketplace.

Further Tom G. Palmer’s essay moves to an excellent narrative analysis of “For-Profit Medicine and the Compassion Motive”. He addresses this by comparing his personal experience with a for profit and non-profit health provider.

The ultimate end of the exercise reveals that for profit health services provide personalised service that the non-profit provider cannot.

The comparison’s of incentives in this regard is compelling because it addresses the key issues of health, government intervention and the negative side effects compared to the individualist positive side of the coin.

I found this to be a revealing analysis because everyone has probably had similar experiences where efficiency is lacking in government operated health services. Palmer highlights the importance of capitalist incentive to drive down prices and provide better more customer focused services.

The concluding essays on “The Paradox of Morality”, “The Moral Logic of Equality and Inequality”, and “Adam Smith and the Myth of Greed” all touch on the importance of institutional and individualist processes.

These are processes which incidentally drive the forces of capitalism and the countervailing forces of coercion. ‘Communism’ is addressed at length in this context and provides a window into that other world-view.

In reading this excellent booklet, I had abstract philosophy and practical applications in mind. Palmer’s views on the ‘Myth of Greed’ are compelling because they re-iterate a belief in:

The rule of law, property, contract, and exchange

This runs counter to the idealism of coercion that is prevalent in current political, social and economic debate. If you’re reading this and don’t believe me, download the booklet from www.menzieshouse.com.au and check it out for yourself.

Timothy W Humphries is a graduate journalism student and writes from Brisbane, Queensland Australia.

I think it is critically important to examine and balance carefully what has been said, against what has been done on both sides.

Brevik explicitly articulates the case against a leftist leaning Higher Education establishment, whose great sin of ‘marxist-deconstructionist’ political correctness has poisoned higher education and media establishment’s in the West for a long time.

He points out correctly that:

The techniques of political correctness are now well known: attacks on the curriculum in the name of “multiculturalism,” the imposition of restrictive and vaguely-worded “speech codes,” and mandatory “sensitivity training” courses for juniors that are little more than systematic efforts at ideological indoctrination. [1]

This sensitivity based indoctrination is hinged on the idea that the West can be ‘desconstructed’ by the application of the Marxist leaning ‘Frankfurt’ School of thought.

In his treatise Brevik forensically establishes Adorno, Bottomore, Wiggershaus, Minnicino, Marcuse, Lukacs and Fromm among others as the leading lights of the Frankfurt School that shaped the formulation of the ‘New Left’.

Brevik’s central argument is the establishment of a connection between Critical Theory and the New Left, through works like ‘Authoritarian Personality’, ‘Dialectic of Enlightenment’ and the garbled ’Reflections from a Damaged Life’.

It is here that we find Brevik synthesizing what he states himself as a complex work:

Written during World War II largely in response to Nazism [1]

He touches on other works like ‘Escape from Freedom’ and ‘Eclipse of Reason’ that highlight this intellectual arc. He does this through the sliding kaleidoscope of flowery ‘New Age’ Critical Theory.

However there is a wider point to be made.

Behind the barbarous evil of Brevik’s actions is the fact that Brevik is essentially trying to build a case that the Islamic World and the Marxist-Frankfurt deconstruction of Judeo-Christian civilization is inextricably linked to a seemingly unexamined reality of indirect and direct partnership through ‘War’ against the West.

It is a partnership that he imputes exists between the Frankfurt School Institutions and the Islamic world at the secular, intellectual, financial, political and religious level.

It is this contention that Brevik uses throughout the rest of his treatise in an attempt to establish the idea that this partnership is indeed working towards the poisoning and eventual demise of the West.

Overlaid within this is a very detailed examination of Christian ‘Crusade History’ and the Islamic ’Jihad History’ as a means of backing up the aforementioned points.
Brevik states concisely that the Christian Crusade’s were a defensive project, whilst the Islamic Jihad was and remains an offensive one. This point is key.

He goes onto quote Bernard Lewis in ‘Islam and the West’ who articulates that:

We live in a time when great efforts have been made, and continue to be made, to falsify the record of the past and to make history a tool of propaganda; when governments, religious movements, political parties, and sectional groups of every kind are busy rewriting history as they would wish it to have been, as they would like their followers to believe that it was. All this is very dangerous indeed, to ourselves and to others, however we may define otherness — dangerous to our common humanity. Because, make no mistake, those who are unwilling to confront the past will be unable to understand the present and unfit to face the future. [1]

Brevik expands on this by stating:

Since the creation of Islam in the 7th century and to up to this day, the Islamic Jihad has systematically killed more than 300 million non Muslims and tortured and enslaved more than 500 million individuals. Since 9/11 2001, more than 12 000 Jihadi terrorist attacks have occurred around the world which have led to the death of one or more non-Muslims per attack. In other words; there are around 150 deadly Jihadi attacks per month around the
world. This trend will continue as long as there are non-Muslim targets available and as long as Islam continues to exist. [1]

He goes further and provocatively quotes Tina Magaard:

In Denmark, linguist Tina Magaard concludes that Islamic texts encourage terror and fighting to a far greater degree than the original texts of other religions. She has a PhD in Textual Analysis and Intercultural Communication from the Sorbonne in Paris, and has spent three years on a research project comparing the original texts of ten religions. “The texts in Islam distinguish themselves from the texts of other religions by encouraging violence and aggression against people with other religious beliefs to a larger degree.
There are also straightforward calls for terror … This has long been a taboo in the research into Islam, but it is a fact we need to deal with.” [2]

In dealing with the systemic complexity that exists between the contended Islamic-Marxist partnership and the reaction and defensive position of the West, the question has to be asked.

Does Brevik attempt to establish further where the war-like posture of Islam exists within this framework of social, political and religious battle?

This is a key question because it runs parallel to the ongoing question of the West’s continued international military interventions and its continued support of Israel. Aligned to this is the perception that the Islamic world sees these Western interventions as a major factor in the stalled peace project in the Middle East and wider Arab world.

If Islam is hence peaceful, what then of the Quran itself? [3]

Brevik addresses this point by quoting among others the following Quranic texts:

The Quran occupies a place that has no parallel in Western civilisation. The Quran is considered by Muslims and by traditional Islamic theology to be dictated word for word by Allah himself through the Angel Gabriel to the prophet Muhammad.
Sura 98 Verse 6

Verily, those who disbelieve (in the religion of Islam, the Quran and the prophet Muhammad) from among the People of the Scripture (Jews and Christians) and Al-Musrhikun (other disbelievers) will abide in the Fire of Hell. They are he worst of creatures.
Sura 9 Verse 29

Fight against those who believe not in Allah, nor in the Last Day, nor forbid that which has been forbidden by Allah and His Messenger. … and fight against those who acknowledge not the religion of truth (i.e., Islam) among the People of the Scripture (Jews and Christians), until they pay the Jizyah (Tax for Jews/Christians) with willing submission and feel themselves subdued.
Sura 9 Verse 111

[1]

It is from these provocative statements we find the religious end game: Brevik himself recounts this by stating the following:

It is from such warlike pronouncements as these that Islamic scholarship divides the world into dar al-Islam (the House of Islam, i.e., those nations who have submitted to Allah) and dar al-harb (the House of War, i.e., those who have not).

It is this dispensation that the world lived under in Muhammad’s time and that it lives under today. Then as now, Islam’s message to the unbelieving world is the same: submit or be conquered. [1]

Brevik renders the clear notion that the entirety of Western Christendom and it’s liberal democratic civic societies exist within the Islamic mind as ‘The House of War’. It would seem at this point that a back-down on the question of Israel seems most morally and politically repugnant.

The most powerful and explicit indictment against Islam lays at the heart of Brevik’s own quotation of [Serge Trifkovic] who states that Islam is a:

“geo political project … a system of government and a political ideology”. [1]

Is there hence a future for peace? Those in the west who believe in Western Judeo-Christianity both at the civic and religious level would certainly want it to be so. However history and human nature tell a disastrously bloody story.

My greatest regret is that Anders Brevik has ignited an important conversation about the War between the West and Islam that goes to the heart of religious and political realities as well as mythology regarding same.

Despite my heightened opposition to the violent acts that Brevik has allegedly perpetrated, the open ended debate regarding the Marxist-Islamic partnership and the role of the West in the current ‘War on Terror’ must be addressed.
I believe for far too long the issue of ‘Islam’ and ‘Terrorism’ has been seen within a dynamic of Cold War styled constructions that fashion the Islamic side in the old “Soviet” enemy context and the West as the old Western “Allies” protagonist.

Key is the fact that individuals and ‘non-state actor’ groupings are playing a more significant role.

We need to renew our awareness of this and be prepared to re-frame our conception of it.

Ironically and perversely Brevik has attempted to blast apart the ‘Islamic Project’. He has done this by destroying any intellectual credibility his arguments may have had by allegedly stepping straight into the
trap of directly emulating the actions that he seeks to lambaste.

The other clear message that emerges from this turn of events is a fresh labelling process that has linked Christian fundamentalism and Brevik. Merv Bendle from Quadrant cogently cites this by stating:

A Google search for ‘Breivik, right-wing’ produces 2.4 million results; ‘Breivik, Christian’, 3.1 million results; and ‘Breivik, fundamentalist’, 950,000 results; while even the omnibus appellation, ‘Breivik, right-wing, Christian, fundamentalist’, scores 503,000. [4]

Clearly the connection of ‘Fundamentalism’ and ‘Christianity’ tarnish the millions who seek peaceful means of resolving conflict.

Brevik’s treatise and subsequent alleged actions are a demonstrable case of ‘shooting the messenger and perverting the message’. Ironically he has brought this on himself. This comes at a time when the circumstances demand a
measured, considered and consistent response to prevent future violence.

Future terrorism policy configurations must recognize and adapt to these domestic threats. Without it the memory of those senselessly killed will be in vain.
Timothy W Humphries is an occasional Contributor to Menzies House and currently a post-graduate Journalism student at Griffith University, Brisbane, Australia.

Greg Carey esteemed 4BC radio interviewer took the stage and Mr. Howard shimmied to the podium in that distinctive ‘jump suit’ style we all remember so well.

Most were there to get his second edition biography signed. I was there to see what interesting things could be extracted from the conversation with the great man.

The usual Q&A style coverage of Iraq, Immigration and Taxation issues punctuated the evening. Towards the end though something stuck out.

A question was raised regarding relations with important allies and Mr. Howard offered the point that he was interested in seeing deeper ties with India and lamented the fact that Australia hadn’t forged ahead with Uranium sales to this important, populous and democratic ally.

Coincidentally I’ve been studying associated historical questions around Nuclear Weapons recently and was impressed by the conviction of Mr. Howard’s admission.

Muthiah Alagappa Distinguished Senior Fellow at the East-West Center in Washington D.C. covers in depth the question of Nuclear Weapons and Security in 21^st Century Asia.

I highly recommend to readers the recent book he edited entitled ‘The Long Shadow’ covering Historical, Strategic and Conceptual Perspectives as well as a deeper analysis of the National Nuclear Strategies of India, United States, Russia and China among others.

When faced with Mr. Howard’s realist perspective on selling Uranium to India I was suddenly faced with live political and moral questions.

Should Australia sell Uranium to India? If Australia does sell Uranium to India in the future what International safeguards will be in place to ensure security for both sides of the deal and prevent such materials once processed from falling into the wrong hands? Should India’s Non-NPT signatory status influence Australia? All live questions!

India’s emergence into the elite ‘power club’ of International Affairs to my mind has already been settled. They are and will remain major players.

Their values and way of life both culturally, economically and politically hark back to our common connection with Great Britain. I believe strongly that Australia’s unique relationship with India places it in an excellent position to catalyze future trade in this and other notable areas.

India’s burgeoning working and middle class is hungry for electricity and rising living standards only confirm that Nuclear and other sources of power generation will dominate future economic configurations in the region.

The question then becomes Is there a way to charter a new course on Nuclear fuel sales that confirms our own commitments on Non Proliferation, whilst also harnessing India’s desire to exploit low emissions Nuclear Power?

With this in mind and with Mr. Howard’s musings echoing in my mind, I raced out of the room to find a pen and notebook and noted down the following on a piece of paper: 

‘Zero 2020 DRAFT – Declaration’

By T.W. Humphries

Preamble

The Zero 2020 Declaration: is a non-binding agreement acknowledging the need for ‘Nuclear Non Proliferation’. The Zero 2020 Declaration hence calls on all states, non government agencies, businesses, community organizations and individuals to recognize the need of, call for, and move to Zero Proliferation of ‘New’ Nuclear Weapons by 2020.

Section (1)

The Zero 2020 Declaration seeks to stop all proliferation of ‘new’ military grade weapons and military grade technology by 2020.

Section (2)

Zero 2020 signatories in principle strongly support:

- The Global Zero Movement

- The Global Initiative to Combat Nuclear Terrorism (GICNT)

- Missile Technology Control Regime (MTCR)

- International Atomic Energy Agency (IEAE)

Section (3)

Zero 2020 encourages signatories and non-signatories to consider the contents of the non-binding declaration right up to the deadline of 2020.

Section (4)

Zero 2020 signatories acknowledge that total ‘Universal Disarmament’ is not the objective of the Declaration but rather a move to no ‘new’ proliferation by 2020.

Section (5)

The Zero 2020 Declaration and its signatories set out to foster global peace, security and civilian energy supplies by moving towards negotiating a fresh ‘No Nuclear Weapons’ regime post 2020.

The one thought that stuck in my mind was the idea that a non-binding Declaration would only allow for countries to continue proliferating till the deadline and indeed have no effect at all in the post 2020 environment.

On the other hand I would argue that this non-binding declaration should at-least be debated to strengthen the moral and economic case for future trade deals in this area.

Inevitably the proceedings ended with a few sharp questions to Mr. Howard about Cricket that animated what was by all accounts an intriguing evening for all, yours truly included.

Timothy Humphries is a post-graduate Journalism student at Griffith University and writes from  Brisbane, Australia.

The Beatitudes speak for themselves:

Consider this, Matthew 5:3-12 begins with Jesus’ Sermon on the Mount with the word ‘Blessed’.

“Blessed are the poor in spirit, those that mourn, those that are meek, those that hunger and thirst after righteousness, the merciful, the pure in heart, the peacemakers and those persecuted in the name of righteousness”.

So essentially Jesus is saying that the Kingdom of Heaven will be inherited by a rag-tag bunch of misfits, most likely timid and mournful, with a hunger for ‘do gooder’ justice and associated depression issues. [not that there's anything wrong with that, after all Jesus is awesome!].

I’d never thought about it that way before, but that brings me to my central question.

Is greatness great?

More importantly how does this apply to the seeming paradox that exists between Christianity and Objective Rationalism in all it’s intellectual and practical forms.

Peculiarly I developed something of an obsession for all things ‘Napoleon’ in my early years of university. This waned in the years that followed, but there was something compelling about a seeming nobody coming from nowhere to achieve greatness in the dusty pages of history. [Note: Napoleon's arrest of the pope was my favorite part of that particular story! Audaciously ambitious! if you will ]

Looking further through history you have Charlemagne an excellent exponent of ‘Catholic power’ along with the Hellenist and Roman achievements that tie right back to Persian, Babylonian and even Egyptian conceptions of conquest and splendor.

The greatness of this achievement roamed across architecture, mathematics, history, economics, literature, law, art, medicine, finance as well as politics, philosophy and military strategy.

It is in this context, I find myself wondering whether there is a happy, culturally acceptable medium between ambition and a corrective desire to be ‘meek’ in the biblical context.

What would the world have been like if the great architects and builders of our age and ages past decided to play it meek and be writers or musicians instead of building the iconic structures that shape Western identity today?

Would Michelangelo have been happier to drop the paint brush and sculptors stance for a life of grape growing and wine making in southern Italy because he’d dreamt of days of toil in the sun during his schooldays?

What if Sydney Harbor Bridge Architect Thomas S. Tait had of decided to give up half way through that great Australasian achievement and move to Switzerland to pursue his passion for skiing. Assuming of-cause he had aforesaid passion. Australia’s conception of itself would be completely different!

So again is Greatness Great?

Are we defined not just by our achievement and setbacks but also the firey ambition that catalyzes that drive in the first place?

Perhaps we need to look at this in another way.

The biblical history of the Early Christian Church was steeped in ambitious proselytizing. This was ground level stuff because it fit within the Pentecostal context and shifted the world to the advancement and glory of the Kingdom of God.  See (Acts 1).

Where would we be with out this ambitiousness? If the Apostles had decided to shut up shop and go back to the fishing business because they were worried about their retirement. It really would have shifted history.

Perhaps there is greatness to be found in both spiritual and worldly things. We just need to put it in the right context and acknowledge individual weakness from the beginning. It might even prevent war!

*That’s my two cents anyway*

It bodes well for the future of NSW. Brilliantly, they finally have a group of people in charge who know what they are doing.

A little sidenote: I remember well the new member for Kiama when he was a student. He attended several Education Conventions at the UQ Union building when I was an impressionable undergraduate.

Gareth Ward is one of the best and most articulate Young Liberal speakers I’ve ever heard. It’s great to know he is finally in a position to make a real difference for the people of New South Wales.

What is also particularly stunning about this victory is the fact that the Liberal Party has an overall majority, so any thought about replicating the current situation in Queensland will be way off the agenda.

Barry will be too busy actually implementing his agenda to care one iota about merging with the National Party in New South Wales.

There are many lessons that the LNP must take away from the NSW victory. An outright Liberal Government, is not such a bad thing, if it is managed correctly.

I think that has been the problem in Queensland. Assume for arguments sake that Mr. Newman loses the upcoming Queensland state election. We’re then in for another 3 years or more of Bligh and Springborg will continue circling the leadership in a leadership vacuum situation.

Regardless of the current incredulity that that particular suggestion brings, it still has a ring of truth to it, if that scenario plays out.

A very clear message comes out of this. Campbell Newman at all costs, at all risk and all political expense must win the next state election and the Liberal Party must pick up an overall majority so that the merger can be reversed and the Liberal Party can finally return to its natural position as an overall governing party.

Granting the history of this situation in Queensland is parlous due to the domination of the National Party. As I stated prior to, during and after the merger process, the outer suburban National Party base is shrinking and a clear urban voice must emerge if the Liberal Party is to have any hope of regaining government in Queensland.

Campbell Newman is that voice. He is broadly popular and has significant appeal in Labor voting areas in the SE Corner and FNQ.  This represents a significant strategic shift from past leaders. We are finally pitching our meta-narrative to the base that must be won to win government!

When the opportunity presents itself, a return to the ‘real’ Liberal brand should be put in place. If NSW is anything to go by there is still appetite for the Liberal brand and Queensland remains a juicy target for that same strategy.

Tim Humphries is a contributor to Menzies House and writes from Brisbane, Australia

By T.W. Humphries

PART ONE

Deep in an unknown part of the Arabian desert, somewhere between Egypt and Timbuktu, the inglorious scream of a soon to be Muslim mother rang out in the early dawn.

Her name was Mary Mohammed, her husband Joseph Mohammad was holding her hand inside the make-shift mud shack erected to support them in their new lives as social outcasts.

For you see Mary and Joseph Mohammed had been cast out of their religion called ‘Lemmings’, an ancient craft that predicted the coming of ‘god’ to earth as a boy named Mohammed.

Mary bellowed one last scream and out popped a seemingly beautiful Arabian boy.

“What shall we named him?” Mary asked ripping off the umbilical cord and sucking on the placenta.

“What about Mohammed?” Joseph said.

“Mohammed Mohammed?” Mary asked puzzled.

So exhausted Mary was probably not thinking about the future of school bullying that awaited her newborn so she relented.

“Ok Joseph, whatever you say, take it up with the registrar”.

“Registrar? What Registrar?”

Presently, the abrupt presence of the Registrar appeared in the tent flap of the mud shack. Yes mud shacks have tent flaps! These are versatile peasants!

“Mmmmmmmmm, yessssssss, What a beauuuutiful bouncing baby boy, he is just delicious! King Herod of the Romanesque Jews would just love him to death!” He said taking notes on the weight, name and non-address of the newly born boy.

The registrar was a fat man, he wore a Golden tuxedo style turbine, and red and blue draped silk tunic that revealed not only a big belly but the shadowy outline of a gigantic Saudi Arabian wooden penis. His real penis had been bitten off by a jealous lover who had seen him in the embrace of another woman.

“Ok, now that we have established the child’s details, we must now establish your details. When were you married?”

The question hung in the air for a moment as both Mary and Joseph looked at each other with a sheepishness the Registrar didn’t recognize.

“We aren’t married Registrar, we were never married”.

The registrar’s face went blank, puzzled, then purple and red.

“We lived together, we still live together”

Blank stare.

“We are fornicators, abusers of god’s law”.

Blank stare.

“I choked on this man’s penis without direct marriage vows, I am a dirty whore who should have been hung from the highest Egyptian pyramid, and pissed on by Osiris. Instead we escaped here like the agnostic dogs we are to have the child”.

“GOOOOOD ALLAH IN HEAVEN. Do you mean to say that you twinky twinkied his twinky without first estrangement of the exchangeable vowdy dowdies!”.

“Yes” They both replied in unison.

“Well this just won’t do! You must return to Mecca to get your Allah-Y-J-T-4 form to register your child’s birth out of wedlock.

The Great Commissioner, must then review your case and then you must appear before the Commissioner for final assessment of your case”.

“Two reviews?! I can’t afford this kind of time, I need to sink a new well over in that Oasis over there”.

Joseph, pointed in the direction of the Oasis, the Registrar looked over and saw 76 virgins playing in bikini’s and have dhakery’s under the palm trees.

“Look’s like Alexandria Shore!” The Registrar noted with lustful intensity.

“Well I can’t afford the time to bring sentry’s down from Mecca to have you ritualistically killed for the crime of fornication, child bearing due to fornication and any number of other heinous hygiene related crimes.” The Registrar said passing them some rotting food that fell down from the make-shift cupboard and hit him on the head and foot.

“So here’s what I’m going to do, I’ve registered you as married on this ‘A-Stroke-Glee is a wank-T-Form’. All you have to do is take this form to Mecca and log it with the National Registrar’s office and then you can go about your merry way without further problem. The only thing I ask, to make this easy for all of us, is to stay here tonight and don’t look over at the Oasis until at-least 10am tomorrow morning, ok”.

“What if we decide we don’t like these terms?”.

Sentry guards suddenly appeared with Russel Crowe lookalikes carrying spears pointed directly at Joseph and Mary’s head.

The child began crying.

Taking a moment, Joseph looked at Mary and Mary looked at Joseph.

“Ok, its a deal, have a good trip home to Mecca”.

“Thank-you for your consideration Mr. and Mrs Mohammed and you have a nice day now”.

Jumping aboard the mini hybrid donkey-camel’s, the sentry’s and registrar began their short journey across the sand-dunes to the virginal delights contained at the Oasis.

As they left the Mohammed’s Joseph heard the glee on the murmuring voices.

“Yippee, We get to see boobies tonight!”.

Another voice was heard, “I mean really, who call’s their child Mohammed Mohammed! What bastard’s!”.

Annoyed, but pleased to be alive, Joseph, shrugged and went back to grinding pork gristle for the evening meal.

The last glimpse of the mud hut and tent flap doors flew in the breeze as Mary and Joseph’s sullen faces narrowed into concentration as their massive Donkey-Camel hybrid strode out into the sun the next morning.

With the languid horizon spreading before them, the donkey-camel began picking up speed.

Impressed by the donkey-camel’s performance Joseph was chuffed by having taken his cousin Osama-Bin-Larden’s advice and buying a Mustang hybrid animal model from Egyptian Motors.

Thankfully in this alternate universe, Alexandria hadn’t been razed to the ground, so the great library stood there still. It’s awesome Trans-humanist knowledge pool had been opening the minds of poets, musicians, scientists, doctor’s and money hungry businessmen for centuries and went on doing so.

Allowing all humankind, the opportunity to lust after the antiquarian knowledge regarding genetic engineering that had been developed since the beginnings of time.

Their journey had begun.

PART TWO

The afternoon sun hung languidly on the Arabian sky. Mary and Joseph with baby in tow, saw the sparkling approach of Mecca.

Though 1000 years before the existence of the USA, New York, New York as recorded by Frank Sinatra, began playing in Joseph’s head. Start spreading the news, we’re leaving today, your gonna see all of it, old Mecca. Peculiar as this seemed, Joseph allowed the reverie of music to wash over his mind as the approaching specter of the future capital of the Muslim world approached.

Interestingly as they strode into the vast metropolis, along the road to Mecca Christian’s and Roman soldiers could be seen fighting over who would have the first go at conquering this savage city known as Mecca.

The Meccan’s seemed peaceful enough. Their knowledge of history, science and mathematics was unrivaled. Indeed their advances in science were such that they could claim credit in this alternative universe to discovering the thing known as the Moon.

It was ironically named after a man named Moon, who used to stand in the center of the Meccan town square drop his robes and proceed to moon passersby, in some kind of act of defiant and ritualistic exhibitionism. In part fueled by his alcoholism.

Offended by this both the Mohammed’s averted their eyes, to this visual and cultural atrocity.

Turns out the Muslim ‘Moon’ to whom the celestial body was named after, had been ‘mooning’ people as they called it since he was a boy.

It began with the goat milkman. The goat milkman would regularly deliver goat milk to the boy’s house, but he would spend an inordinate amount of time ogling and flirting with Moon’s mother. Moon’s mother, though completely shrouded from public view through the dress and the early ‘burka’ would flirt back because her husband was to obsessive and strict.

So to stop these shenanigan’s, the young boy known only as Moon began ‘mooning’ the goat milk man to scare him off. Thankfully, this strategy worked.

But alas dear reader, we must return from this side-winding distraction of stupidity to the story at hand.

Joseph and Mary stood before the Ministry of Registration and began the depressing march towards the customer service center, that stood appropriately in the lobby of the building.

Servant’s of the great grass god ‘mary-wanna’, scurried about with paperwork and abacai, counting and recounting and refusing applications for welfare payments to people for the simple reason that they hadn’t filled out their form correctly.

Having ensured that their forms had been filled out correctly, Mary and Joseph walked tentatively into the lobby and began waiting in line to be seen by the fat woman at the counter of the Customer Service Department.

Quietly waiting, Mary and Joseph heard a small explosion that seemed big enough to rock the entire room. It was a desperate employee of the Ministry. He had been caught trying to re-apply for welfare payments, after having his original application denied, due to a typo in his original application.

Such errors were frowned upon. But the man was desperate. He needed the extra money, not for his family, but for his newly formed habit of smoking the grass god marry-wanna’s delightful green produce, an elixir of life, notably called marry-wanna. One which provided the user with the gracious internal high, that allowed them to carry on the drudgery of their insipid and boring life.

“BUT I MUST HAVE MY MARRY-WANNA!” The man screamed.

Conservative types like Mary and Joseph along with everyone else in the line, simply guff-fawed at such a concept. The grass god “marry-wanna” was a deity not a drug!

She should be kept in her proper context and not allow drug use to mix up one’s brain to the point of extreme paranoia and self loathing as had been the case with the currently desperate man in the lobby.

Granted his bomb didn’t really cause too much damage, because it had been constructed out of ‘marry-wanna mark II’. A highly powerful but non deadly explosive substance created by someone called Alfred Nobel Haneef. Having heard about the device, the desperate man purchased the device on the black market, out of town, in a disgustingly dirty place called ‘Jersey’.

Presently the Grecian-Roman guards appeared and swiftly nullified the man’s protest by saying the word “look, marry-wanna”. Looking in the opposite direction, the man was desperate for more. Quick as a flash, the roman guard, crashed a copy of the grass god’s holy tome upon the man’s head and he fell to the floor unconscious.

Carrying him away, the guards, quickly flicked a white colored jacket onto him, entitled ‘Ravindar’s patented crazy jacket’.

As the line moved forward, Mary and Joseph began to become concerned that their application for registration may also be rejected, if there was a typo on the form. So they began checking and re-checking to make sure there were no mistakes.

Joseph then looked up and saw a young man dressed in a white and red suit. He had sparkling glasses and a rather large mullet and fringe. He kept murmuring the words “Uh-huh, thank-you very much”

In a rather weird accent. Gyrating his pelvis all over the place, the conservative women were taken aback by the explicitly sexual nature of his posture. This seemed to be one of those people everyone in Mecca had been talking about, but had never seen. A Liberal, Westerner. Turn’s out he was from China and was trying out a new mantra called ‘sex sells’. By gyrating his pelvis, this young man was hoping to draw womenfolk’s attention to the picture on the front of his pants advertising Indian and Chinese tea and silk, at crazy low prices!

Unfortunately this original, but flawed idea failed and the sparklingly dressed young man was also struck unconscious on the head and taken out the back to a chariot that took him up to the hill area known as ‘Joliet’ where the jail was housed.

‘Good Grief!’ Joseph though to himself silently.

‘I’m glad I’m a provincial boy, I don’t think I could take this action packed life all day everyday. It would drive me positively potty!’.

The line advanced still further, till they were finally able to make out the outline of a redheaded woman with a long nose, sitting at the customer desk, denying some and approving others, with whimsical abandon.

One family was in a group from Assyria seeking asylum. They were quickly approved and given free housing, food and jobs. The next family were also in a group, but were Meccan’s and were seeking advice on how their tax bill could be lowered, as they were not able to afford to pay the exceedingly high and indeed new charges that were being levied.

With quick witted and cold blooded assurance the red headed official stamped the piece of paper, with the following words.

“Reprieve denied. See the ‘repo’ man to your left”.

The family looked to the left and saw a burly Arabian man, smile at them with the ferocity of a blood hungry shark. Their hearts as citizen’s sank, and the undeserving illegal asylum seekers rejoiced. For surely their free ride had only just begun.

Then just like that, Mary and Joseph approached the judgmental red-headed woman with their application for registration to record their son’s birth and possibly, register a shot-gun marriage so as to not incur the Government and Religious figures wrath.

“So Mr and Mrs Mohammed, you are registering your child’s birth. Hmm ” the woman said looking carefully at the documentation.

Both Mary and Joseph looked nervously at each other.

“Every thing seems to be in order” She said.

Mary and Joseph sighed something akin to relief.

“Wait a minute!”

The sound of a crashing gong was heard in the background creating a terrible ruckus.

“It says here you aren’t married!”.

“Well, yes it is something we overlooked on the application” They both replied weakly.

“Well I’ve already approved your registration, I don’t think the rules allow me to revoke it once it has been approved. Let me check with my supervisor Tony”.

A burly Grecian warrior, known only as Tony appeared in the customer center. He was a large man, prone to win fights, even when the odds were against him. He had won school boxing matches and never looked back on his dream of being first prelate of Mecca and the local province’s administrative Primate.

After conferring briefly with her superior, the red-headed consultant returned to the desk with her hair slightly messed up after dealing with the wind of her boss yelling at her for her error in judgment, for allowing an unmarried couple to register the birth of their illegitimate child.

Quietly, though the pensive red-headed woman said.

“I cannot revoke your registration, despite it being against the law to register you as unmarried. I simply suggest you get yourself to a mosque and get married as quickly as possible so as to validate this form.”

Grateful, both Joseph and Mary agreed to the terms and left the room with the judgmental eye of Tony ‘the Boss’ watching them like a hawk as they left.

Getting to the first mosque they could find, both Mary and Joseph were married by the first Meccan chaplain they could find.

Interestingly he too was a Meccan Elivs impersonator and they exchanged the vows, kissed, received a copy of the Ancient grass god’s tome known as the “Meccan High Times”.

With that they left Mecca and never returned, for fear of having to register their departure and arrival by default.

And so it was over. Mary and Joseph Mohammed’s journey to Mecca to register their bastard child’s birth. This bastard child would become the progenitor of the most violent religion since Christianity. But you already know it’s name, so there is no point saying any more. Though an alternative universe, the absurdity of government bureaucracy cannot be overlooked or not commented on for the sheer stupendous stupidity that it is.

The next time you consider worshiping the ‘state’ in some kind of ‘wanky’ West Wing style orgy of intellectual self-gratification, consider the disastrous consequences it has.

Even when it means well, it really is nothing but public ally sanctioned force.

My best advice as the weirdly voiced narrator inside your head, is to think for yourself and remember that freedom is only ever lost when the smallest of compromises on your or indeed my part creep in. For when the smallest compromise enters into the equation, you begin sanctioning that which in truth you hate. So don’t end up like the ‘Meccan’ Elvis impersonator, who was taken to ‘Joliet’ in a white colored jacket.

Choose freedom!

Tim Humphries writes from Brisbane Queensland, Australia.

Though ‘bias’ is thrown around allot, they decided to try an experiment. One of them would usually get C+ where as the other one would often get B+ and A’s for their assignments.

They decided on one of the first summative assessments for Legal Studies to switch their assignments and hand it in as their own work. Granted putting aside the plagiarism issue for a moment, this was an experiment in what I would describe as ‘merit’ based marking.

Turned out that by doing the switcheroo, the same mark was achieved by both students, despite the fact they’d perpetrated the old switcheroo.

Why am I saying this you ask?

I decided to try applying for a job, as someone else today, just for a prank. I applied for 10 jobs under the name Xing Lee, but kept all of the other job history and reference elements the same.

It turns out being an Asian woman about 25 years old, with a Chinese sounding name gets more phone calls and emails then being a White Middle Class male, with the same experience level!

I was shocked by this, mostly because I thought Australia could never be so racist! It seems the old switcheroo worked again. Luckily, I didn’t try and do an Asian accent over the phone.  Luckily only got a few miffed employers out of it.

Will start applying under my name again tomorrow

My first reaction was, well It’d probably go up anyway, regardless. So this just seems a convenient excuse to dole out more cash to uninsured and even some insured flood victims.

How is that legalized theft is ok, but people being left alone to get on with things, is never offered as an alternative?

Some might say that’s heartless. I say no! We should leave people alone to recover how they want.

The big thing will be over the next few months, whether or not there will be a fight over how the flood relief donations are given out. There has been talk that the government is treating this money as their own. In that case, what’s the bet, they take a share! Might explain the need for a one off flood levy, atleast in their twisted statist mindset.

Getting back to the economics debate on government v.s. private employment creation. I saw some jobs advertised the other day,  in contract mode for helping out flood victims that had been created privately.

It’s amazing how the private sector comes in and makes its mark coupled with the amount of voluntary action that has also made an impact in the cleanup.

Why mess all that up, with a one off levy? That will be misspent! Don’t believe me? See -> BER and Pink Batt stuff-ups  for more.  I wonder what administrative Goliath awaits us next year, when these funds begin being doled out before an election.

In a way, supporting the one off levy, will help Bligh and Gillard  in their  re-election. Do Queenslander’s and indeed Australian’s really want that?

I say support the stop the levy campaign! It might not play the victim card, but at-least its honest.

Stop the Levy can be found [here]

If nothing else is discussed in this debate about Queensland’s future water infrastructure needs, you must ask yourself, what is the point of insurance companies at all? If people are going to be bailed out by Government sanctioned theft! There you have it, that’s my 2 cents. Go on Anna and Julia, continue your pillaging. I’m just gonna sit here in a corner, be a lone voice, and think about what Freedom used to mean!

Tim Humphries writes, from Brisbane Queensland, Australia

One has to consider in this situation the emotional and financial pain being experienced by a group of people that in many instances may not be able to afford to continue on, in many small and medium businesses that have been impacted by this one in one hundred year event.

I’m loath to be critical of people who just want to be left alone. The deeper truth lies in understanding the culpability of Government in this.

Anna Bligh’s calling of a Royal Commission into this recent natural disaster really only amounts to one thing, attempting to do a Julius Caesar washing her hands of the whole mess and setting herself up for the 2012 election.

Truth be told she has appealed to the ‘victim’ in a most crafty and masterly fashion.

Just yesterday prominent journalist and Senior Lecturer in politics Paul Williams opined in the Courier Mail on this very issue.

His essential argument boiled down to the fact that Bligh has handled the PR side of this natural disaster with aplomb and can essentially set herself the target in 2011 of recalibrating the budgetary and political agenda to seek a fresh mandate in 2012. Under the guise of ‘Rebuilding Queensland’.

A new mandate, a budget back on track and the sale though acrimonious of QR. This is a Premier that is staying.

The strategic problem for the LNP in Qld is trying to calibrate an infrastructure agenda that doesn’t get caught in the ‘sanction of the victim’ paradigm that is exploited so well by the Labor Party.

The next 15 months will be a test for the LNP, trying to come up with an attractive agenda that seizes the initiative and shows that Queensland can get back on track with the LNP.

It seems like an impossible task, because Bligh with the help of the hapless Gillard have the exploitation of the ‘victim’ maneuver down pat.

On the anecdotal side, I heard a story about an old bloke that had been asked to leave his house, but refused.

If the flood emergency were in an isolated area, you may think being asked by the authorities to leave your home would be a wise suggestion especially if they were providing assistance.

However he was in an urban area and from the anecdote it was Kevin Rudd making the demand. I don’t know how true this is, but it proves, sometimes people need to make up their own minds, without being forced by the long arm of Government to do things they may not feel comfortable with.

Often in natural disaster situations it is every man for himself anyway.

Having said that the Golden rule seems to apply here. Leave your neighbor alone and only give assistance if it is asked for!

After all, doing unto others what you would have done unto you, doesn’t impute or imply that any representative of government or individual for that matter, has the right to force you to do anything you don’t want to do, regardless of whether it is in a flood, cyclone or drought.

Rebuilding will require a whole new set of thinking on civic planning and disaster recovery that goes beyond a Royal Commission hand washing exercise.

Do you really think Government will deliver anything other than that? Even after it goes through the public motions and then buries the report without a trace? I think not!

Kudos to Tony at-least, for coming up with a sensible suggestion.

Tim Humphries, writes from Brisbane, Queensland